Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
