the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
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