If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He passed out mid-signature
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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