last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
