saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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