a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
