end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize