You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can you bring me the toilet please
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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