so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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