he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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