if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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