My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
