4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
that is very illegal...i love you.
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