forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
