It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
