she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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