My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
