he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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