I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
