wanna go halves on a baby?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i out mim tonsoeep
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
