How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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