I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
