you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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