: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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