Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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