that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
