Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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