Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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