i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
