omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
