the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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