we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Randomize
