ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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