My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Holy sore nipples Batman
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize