well you can't waste a boner
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
