And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
