I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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