So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize