thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
