bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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