Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
