so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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