Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
