I hate all girls vehemently.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
As shirtless as possible
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
