fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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