I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
