Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
