I CAN MOONWALK!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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