I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
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