Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
