He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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