he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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