She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
