its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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