I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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