My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
