laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
