The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
