Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
