we have officially lost it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
