You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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