i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
