suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
