erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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