And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
