mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
