we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You need a sexual gate keeper
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
