i need an iv and a liver transplant
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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