Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
