U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize