Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
