We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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