Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize