I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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