I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
