I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
