is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
