i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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