Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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