Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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