She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
