consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All the doctor said was why
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
