Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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