More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
