Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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