i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
