I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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