i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
