I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
