I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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