wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize