his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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