pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
