I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
