....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
