I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
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