it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize