i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
